So, I’ve been thinking…a lot of people are unhappy with their lives/partners/marriages/relationships. Not because there aren’t fireworks going off every few minutes, or because everything isn’t perfect, but because of the way we have set things up and trapped ourselves in an endless cycle that will not allow us to escape.
First of all, for a gazillion years, patriarchal churches/societies/institutions, etc. made everyone believe that the only way for a woman to be with a man, was to get married, unless, of course, you wanted to be a Scarlet Woman. Apparently there were no Scarlet Men. How could there be? Men made up the game and the rules.
Second, they made people believe that it was wrong to get divorced, otherwise known as “you made your bed, now lie in it,” syndrome. They also made women into spinsters, if they chose not to marry. I don’t know what unmarried men were called, how about Spindorks? Works for me. Anyway, since women couldn’t support themselves, women who refused to marry, had to remain at home, or set out on their own to be nannies, housekeepers, teachers, etc. Lower class women always worked in laundries and other dangerous places where they were sexually harassed and made almost no money at all.
Third, the law/society/men would not allow women to work, inherit, or have any income at all, which kept them poor, dependent and at the mercy of the men in their lives. When women were finally allowed to work, they were not paid the same as men (still aren’t), for doing the same job. So women were still FORCED by men, to remain dependent, or struggle/do without.
Fourth, women have been conditioned to forgive others and accept all kinds of garbage that is dumped on them. Women have been led to believe that being selfless is the mark of a good woman (barf). That only works well for the men in the world, however, and does nothing at all for women. Besides, a lot of men only think their mother’s should be good women and grow tired of women who let them get away with everything. But that’s a story for another day.
It all boils down to MONEY and FEAR. People stay in bad marriages because they don’t have enough money to leave. Today it is not uncommon to see separated, or divorced people, still living in the same house, because they can’t afford to get out. The government sees to that by controlling wages and keeping people poor.
Women often stay in bad, or loveless, marriages because they can’t afford to leave and because they are AFRAID they might not make it on their own. Some are afraid that they will end up alone forever and some are fearful because they believe have forgotten how to live in the outside world. But for some their marriages have simply become a habit and they have forgotten that they could make different choices.
Then there are the kids. The overwhelming majority of women are responsible for the kids. Men can leave the state, refuse to pay child support, get remarried and start another family and never see their starter kids again. Women have been brainwashed and conditioned to believe that they are responsible for the children, while the ex-fathers go out and play. It doesn’t have to be that way but society gets into our heads and for some reason everyone believes that the lies they tell us are actually true. I’m sure all the women who read this will shrink back and think about how much they love their children and how they would never let anything happen to them. A lot of men don’t feel that way. Women were taught to believe that, the same way men were taught that they never have to do anything they don’t want to do, including taking care of their kids and paying for them. Not all men are like that, of course, but enough of them are, hence, the DEAD BEAT DAD thing. Men are USED TO WOMEN DOING EVERYTHING. They know that if they don’t pay for, or take care of the kids, some WOMAN will do it, so what’s the big deal? (barf)
So, FEAR and lack of MONEY keep some women from escaping. All of this is done on purpose. Don’t think for a second these things just HAPPEN. The government and those in power keep us poor and in place, otherwise they would raise minimum wage and up the rates on CDs so seniors wouldn’t be eating cat food for dinner. They are greedy men who just want more for themselves.
None of the rules we live by, or stupidly believe…are TRUE. Men made them up. We don’t have to believe them and the way not to believe them is to make new rules. Rules that we, women, can live with. Rules that fit in with the current century and not the rules they used during the Witch Burnings. I mean come on, there was a law on the books saying that you could beat your wife but only with a stick no bigger than your thumb. Women need to get over it. We have to stop hoping that the men in charge will EVER do anything for US. THEY WON’T. NOT EVER! THEY NEVER HAVE AND THEY NEVER WILL.
Anyway, here’s the thing. Women have to ask themselves if they are happy with their lives. They need to ask themselves if they are getting what they want out of life. Is just making it through each day…enough? Are they being ignored and taken for granted? Are they having any fun? Are they still in love with the person they are with?
No one can guarantee that women will find happiness, if they leave, but if they stay, they won’t be giving themselves a chance. For a lot of people surviving and having the basics really is enough. Some people don’t expect more than that. But if a woman wants more out of life, then she has to think about how long she’s willing to wait before she tries to get it. How long she wants to be ignored, invisible, alone, even though there’s another person in the room with her.
For a lot of women, once their husbands die, they blossom. Finally set free, even if it is at an advanced age. I look at them and wonder if they could have been that happy for their whole lives, not just for the few years they have left. They are free to do what they want to do, instead of what is expected of them. It’s not about men, although some do date and fall in love. It’s about solitude and being themselves. It’s about making their own choices, about being released from the rules. See, the church and all the patriarchal crap doesn’t have a lot of rules for widows, mostly because they don’t count, so when a woman doesn’t have to toe the line, she is free for the first time in her life. She’s finished TAKING CARE OF EVERYONE and can finally…take care of herself.
It’s not easy to leave, but sometimes leaving is the only thing a person can do to save her own live.
I truly believe that if more women left, men might finally catch on to the fact that they actually HAVE TO DO SOMETHING, in order to keep them. Women make it too easy, take too much abuse, don’t take anything for themselves. It’s all conditioning. All brainwashing. If WOMEN change, so will MEN, or else they won’t be able to have women any longer.
If women ever want to be free, we have to stop letting men tell us how to live. We DON’T HAVE TO LISTEN TO THEM.<UNDRESSED> <JG>