It came down to this. Just when I became comfortable with the vivid familiarity of the path I was walking along although dark at times I always stopped to smell the flowers when they dared bloom at my feet. Suddenly I was at a cross roads. I had two choices. I sat for a long time, meditating, breathing, deciding and feeling the soft earth beneath my feet. Whatever choice I made I had to do so whole heartedly, with a brave soul and an open mind. I bided my time until I saw clarity. I knew I needed to move forward and I want you to know it took me quite some time to accept the reality that is present to me. I thought about one last grand act, before the curtain either closed or you applauded begging me for an encore. I knew though that I wouldn’t be given one last hurrah. Not now. Missing you wasn’t working for me. It ate away at me every day and it’s only now with a heart less jaded I’m able to write about it. To put what I had felt into words I can understand, that you can understand. At the fork in the road I chose the path less travelled, the one I feared most. Do you remember when I told you my worst nightmare? It was forgetting. Memory loss. Forgetting anything that has ever happened to me both good and bad. But something just spoke to me in a way I still can’t comprehend. “You could just forget” I could? It’s possible? Yeah. It is.

So I forgot about the way it felt when you touched me. And how your voice sounds. I forgot the color of your eyes and I honestly haven’t a clue what your drink of choice is. I don’t know how you look when you sleep, I’ve forgotten about the stories you told me about when you were a child. I just let it all go. Out of All of the memories I left in that god forsaken city, I packed a few up in boxes wrapped with care and took them here. I shipped them away. Sealed them like love letters lost at sea. Messages in bottles. If they wash up on your shoreline, it’s ok now if you give them to someone else to cherish. I cannot. I will not.

You can forget too. The feeling of skin on skin the constant pulling and pushing until nothing separated us. The way my eyes lit up at the very mention of your name. You can forget all the haunted buildings even contain ghosts and you can live again. I promise. It’s ok. I’ll understand. Do me a favour. Please. Because this isn’t working. Not here. Not now. Please for the love of god forget my voice and how I said your name so the next time you hear it, it’ll feel like the first time.  I’ll call it in a while, and maybe then you can fall in love with the new melody or recall upon how much you have always loved the sound. But before then, before you remember me and the love we had. Please forget. Just forget.

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