I dont know how to sit across from you at brunch and laugh and talk and feel things.

I want to I long for intimate moments and midnight cuddles and to awake from my night mares to reach over on the other side of the bed and

have you hold me tight

“baby Im here you ok ”

I just don’t know how to get there and maybe

a large part of me doesn’t want to get there

My fear of it consumes me

it eats me alive

this illness has no cure, the monsters in my head feed like rabid animals on

fragments left of my heart, they breath smoke into my lungs,

and it becomes so fucking hard to to breathe

everything in me wants to stay

but my feet only know the road home

so i must go i must go

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