what hurts….hope and waiting

While I’m thinking about how to start this blog, I’m contemplating how honest I want to be with you. I could write a really uplifting story, o how my life is turning around,  So, maybe I’ll be honest with you, despite how I fear it will make me sound. After all, if we choose to write, we must write about what matters or what’s the point?

Ernest Hemingway wrote one of the most beautiful, soul-wrenching, provocative quotes I may have ever read. “Write hard and clear about what hurts.” It is that simple. It is that dense. How do we write hard when we can barely whisper words to speak? How do we write clear when it seems every thought is entwined with a lie? How do we write about what hurts when that honestly feels like every fibre of our being? Well…you put your big girl panties on, (maybe grab a cup of coffee), and do it anyway. Do the very thing you don’t want to do. The thing you don’t want to acknowledge. The thing you hoped would leave your mind months ago but you’re still thinking about. The thing that hurts.

This last year  I became reawakened to the word, “Lament”, and this word followed me everywhere for a week straight. I heard it in songs, in speeches, in conversations, in books, you name it. Over time I forgot what depth the small word held. Lament: A passionate expression of grief or sorrow. This accurately described that week for me, or perhaps, most weeks this year.

I desperately need hope. Hopelessness is daunting and a feeling you can’t magically decide not to feel. I wish it were that easy. Hopelessness brings loneliness, fear and very real shame. It thrives in your shadows and disrupts every forward step you take, locking you in a frozen state. It tells you your situation will never change, you might as well give up now, and hope is for everyone else….except you.

Sweet friend, sometimes you have to wait for hope. I was completely unaware of this truth. This is definitely not what I want to hear, but that doesn’t make it less true. Hope is real and it is for you. Hope isn’t manufactured or ordinary, but tailored perfectly to your specific beating heart. I know it is hard to wait for hope…especially when days turn to weeks, weeks to months, or even months to years. But it is coming! I promise you!

Waiting for anything pretty much sucks. Let’s be real. Waiting 1 microwave minute seems like eternity and when it is hope you’re waiting for…well, all I can tell you is that I understand the pain and frustration. I am lamenting with you. I am in this with you.

As I type, I am still waiting. However, I am choosing to write hard and clear about what is hurting. Waiting hurts but hope is worth it.  Wanna stick it out with me?


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